


The Therapeutic Effects of Screaming

by neighborhoodgoblin



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Anger Management, Anxiety, BUT NO ONE KILLS THEMSELVES I PROMISE, Depression, Dysfunctional Relationships, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, I am getting a lot of my own feelings out in this, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Lust, My slowest slow burn ever, Slow Burn, Smut, emotionally unavailable protagonist, i am a horny gremlin! I produce horny gremlin content, i listen to a lot of hozier when writing this, mental health is SEXY, things will get......... kinky, vaguely southern gothic? I’m not doing a good job with it but I’m going for that vibe, well it might be kinda fast idk yet, will add more tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2020-12-31 05:50:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21088955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neighborhoodgoblin/pseuds/neighborhoodgoblin
Summary: Esther Montgomery is a corporate shill turned farmer just trying to figure out what makes her happy. Desperately trying.





	1. Ch. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! Or at least clicking on it. You can follow my tumblr neighborhoodgoblin.tumblr.com for regular updates as well as a little bit more in depth explanation about my headcanons for Harvey, Stardew in general, Farmer Esther, etc. I'll be trying to post new updates every Friday, but I do work very erratic hours, so I don't have any promises.

A shrill alarm noise woke Esther with a jolt. She groaned, reaching for her phone only for the alarm to be joined by an ear-splitting rooster crows. She groaned even louder and sat up, rubbing her eyes with her fist.  _ Well I guess I’m awake, _ she thought bitterly as she swung around and stood up, padding off to her bathroom. Grover, following behind her. 

Yawning, Esther sat down and peed, absent-mindedly petting Grover on his head as she did so. She stood, stretched, and went to wash her hands. She looked at herself in the mirror as she did so, frowning at the bags under her eyes. She sighed, and bent down to splash some water on her face, and brushed her teeth. She opened the small medicine cabinet, and reached for a bright orange bottle. She popped the top off, and saw that there was only one of the small green pills left. “Fucking perfect,” she muttered to herself as she popped the pill into her mouth and swallowing it dry. 

She dressed herself for the weather, having seen on tv the night before that it was going to snow. She pulled on a pair of heavy winter boots, and threw on a beanie and fleece-lined jacket before stepping outside. She shivered, wishing she had something more resistant to cold weather than just jeans. She did her farm chores as quickly as she could, hoping that moving fast would bring some blood flow into her frigid legs and fingers. 

After the chickens were fed, eggs collected, cows milked, dog fed and watered, mushrooms collected, and everything was put in the box to ship off, Esther walked back into the farmhouse, grabbed her pill bottle, and set off towards the town clinic. By her watch, it was now about nine in the morning. Another half an hour or so to get to town, and she’d be there by 10 at the latest.  _ Maybe I’ll stop into Pierre’s and see about getting some spring seeds early,  _ she thought, walking past the clinic instead of going inside. She stopped short of Pierre’s, checking the notice board, which was empty, and the calendar. Sunday, 14, had the word “Harvey” scrawled on it. Esther checked her watch, it was, indeed, the fourteenth. 

She went into the general store to ask about getting some spring seeds early (Pierre said she couldn’t), some tree saplings (too expensive), and a bigger backpack (also too expensive), Esther ultimately left empty-handed. She checked her watch again, trying to see if the saloon was open yet. Twelve noon, perfect timing. She headed across the square to the saloon, and opened the door.  _ Bringing him a cup of coffee is the least I can do if I’m bothering him on a Sunday.  _

“Hey there!” Gus greeted as she walked in. Esther smiled politely in return.

“Hey, I was just stopping by to get two cups of coffee. It’s really cold out there.”

“Oh sure, no problem,” He said, grabbing two to-go cups and pouring coffee into them. Esther put the money on the counter while he affixed lids. 

She grabbed the cups from him, and turned to leave. “Thanks!” She called over her shoulder as she stepped back outside. 

She sighed, steeling herself, and headed into the clinic. A tiny bell dinged overhead as she entered. She saw Harvey at the front desk, lost in some paperwork. He looked up, “Oh, hello!” he greeted her. 

“Hey. Happy birthday,” She handed him the to-go cup. “Hot coffee is best in the snow.” 

He beamed, “Oh a birthday gift?” He drawled, his lip curling up into an easy half-smile. “That’s very kind of you. I love it.” 

“I didn’t know how you took it. It’s just black.”

He nodded as he sipped from the cup, “I take it black. Are you just here for a social call? I don’t typically take walk-ins but my records do show that you’re due for a check-up. I was actually going to have a letter sent. If you want, you can schedule something through Maru.”

She barked out a sarcastic laugh and looked away uncomfortably. “I’d uh… prefer not to schedule through the sixteen year old receptionist, if possible.”

“She’s twenty two.”

_ Way to go asshole,  _ she chastised herself. “Oh. Well. Still. No, I came because I uh… I need a refill on some medication. I really can’t keep going all the way to the city to get some. It’s uh…” She trailed off, taking the bottle out of her jacket pocket and setting it down. “Prozac. Generic, preferably. I’m not exactly super liquid at the moment.”

He nodded, “I gotta do a full physical before I can really prescribe anythin’. Especially psychotropic.”

She took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. “Yeah. Sure. Ok.”

He rolled back his chair, and stood up. “If you’ll just follow me.”

She walked behind him back to the exam room, and climbed up on the table, waiting as he washed his hands and put on a pair of gloves. She smiled politely and sighed deeply.  _ Let’s get this over with. _

He stood in front of her, and pressed gently on her forehead and her lymph nodes. “Does that hurt?” He asked. She shook her head. “Good. I’m gonna take your temperature.” He murmured quietly, putting a cover on the thermometer and holding it up near her mouth, “Open up and hold this under your tongue.”

She obliged, trying to remind herself to breathe deeply. The thermometer beeped and he took it out of her mouth. “Temp’s good.”

He pressed his fingers to her neck, under her jawline, and looked at his watch. She felt something stir between her legs and looked away, suddenly feeling very aware of her breathing and awkward.  _ Has it been so long I can’t even get my pulse taken?  _

He hummed softly to himself, “Hm… your pulse is high.”

_ Well fuck.  _ “I’m a little nervous…”

He nodded, “Oh, hospitals make you nervous, huh?” He took out his stethoscope and began listening to her heartbeat. “Well that’s just fine. Try and relax… I’m here to help.” He smiled warmly down at her. 

He spoke low and slow, obviously trying to affect a calming presence. “Deep breath and hold,” He instructed as he put the stethoscope on her back and listened to each lunch. Once he was satisfied that all of Esther’s organs were working as they should, he put his stethoscope back around his neck and sat back down on his wheely stool. “Any medication?”

Esther deliberately avoided eye-contact, “Nothing besides the ‘don’t kill yourself’ pills.”

Harvey twisted his mouth to one side, his mustache moving with it. “There’s nothing to be ashamed about when taking anti-depressants or psychotropic medications. Plenty of people need them.”

“I’m not ashamed. I’m fine. I just…. It’s fine. I’m fine.” 

“Are you in any sort of therapy? Learning coping skills?”

“I know my coping skills. As for therapy… I’m here. Isn’t practical to go to Zuzu once a week. It’d be my whole day.”

Harvey nodded, “Now, I understand that but to feel comfortable prescribin’ you these I’d really prefer you were in some sort of therapy.”

Esther threw her head back and sighed deeply. Her long braid moved with her. “Please don’t make me go to the city once a week. Can’t I do something here? I’ll talk to you. Rather talk to you than some stranger with ‘hang in there’ posters on the wall.”

Harvey’s brows furrowed and he licked his teeth, his mouth open as he thought. “I mean… I’m not really qualified as a therapist.”

“Oh it’s ok!” Esther spoke quickly, “Off the books. Unofficial. We’re just hanging out. I could… I could use someone to talk to. And you can uh… you can talk to me too...” She trailed off awkwardly. 

“No, I’m fine, I don’t need…” Now it was his turn to trail off. 

“You have an anxiety disorder,” She interrupted him.  _ Smooth move,  _ she thought, mentally kicking herself. “You do. I can tell. I have a PhD. I was a psychologist, you know. Before I moved here. I was a therapist.”  _ For Joja… On the phone _ she added silently. “We can help one another. I was a good therapist.”

Harvey sighed and shook his head slightly, looking away from Esther for a moment in thought before he looked back. “It’s obvious? Here I thought I was managing well.” 


	2. Ch 2

Esther sat on Harvey’s couch awkwardly clutching a mug of coffee. Harvey took his black, and hadn’t been able to offer her any cream or sugar, but she didn’t want to be rude. Every thirty seconds (she was counting) she forced herself to take a sip and keep a straight face. 

“If you were a practicing therapist, what made you move here and start farmwork?” He asked from the armchair. He’d taken off his green coat and hung it on the back of a desk chair, and rolled his sleeves up to his elbows. 

“Oh, it’s a whole thing. I don’t really care to talk about it but basically things just weren’t working out.”

Harvey quirked an eyebrow, “Isn’t part of therapy being open and honest? See, I’m just trying to figure out what makes you tick.”

Esther chuckled, “You’re supposed to build a rapport with me before diving into the potentially traumatic details of my past. That way I feel comfortable opening up to you. Self-disclosure is part of that. Yknow, offering up your own anecdotes without making things about you.” Esther sipped her coffee, hoping her use of jargon would stave off the questioning. Against her will, she made a face at its bitterness. 

Mercifully, Harvey either didn’t notice or ignored it. “Well this goes both ways, doesn’t it? I just want to make sure that I’m in good hands.” He chuckled, shifting to rest his ankle on his knee. Esther’s breath caught in her throat and she resisted the urge to laugh at herself for feeling like a horny teenager in front of him. She’s surprised she wasn’t nervous just by virtue of being on his couch or so near his bed.  _ Get it together _ , she told herself. She sipped her coffee. 

“Sorry I didn’t mean to offend,” Harvey said quietly and Esther snapped back to the present. 

“No, I was just lost in thought. I guess I don’t mind telling you what happened it’s just embarrassing.” 

“I won’t judge you, we’re talking stuff through together right?” He smiled slightly at her, clearly trying to look friendly. 

Esther took a sip of coffee. It was getting cold. She sipped again while she built up her courage to speak. “They took away my license to practice independently and I had to get a job working for a crisis hotline run by Joja Corporation. Imagine the worst, most depressing job in the world… it was worse than that. People are calling and they’re in the worst hours of their life but you’re telling them to try eating more fruits and vegetables and get those at their local Joja Mart.” Esther looked away, not wanting to see Harvey’s thought process as he unpacked what she said. 

“Why can’t you practice independently?” He asked softly. “What happened?”

“Do you want the real answer? It’s um ... adult in nature.”

“Well of course! As your doctor, I need to make sure all parts of you are healthy and be available in whatever capacity I need. If you’re more comfortable using certain language, or if you need to talk through a certain topic, it’s my job and obligation to meet you where you’re at.” He smiled reassuringly, “and I’m more than happy to do it. Open and honest, right?”

Esther stayed quiet. She wasn’t really keen on discussing the subject, but wanted to give it a shot, at least for Harvey’s sake. 

“I fucked my thesis advisor and they found out. Instead of punishing him, the tenured professor who got caught balls deep in a very recently graduated student during office hours, they reported me to the ethics board.” 

“That’s ridiculous! He was in a position of power over you, he took advantage. He should’ve been removed as professor.”

Esther shrugged, “But he wasn’t. I initiated the relationship, so it fell on me.”

Harvey shook his head, frowning. “He still shouldn’t have been able to get away with it.”

It was Esther’s turn to frown. “That’s what bothers me. People will say he ‘got away with it’ like I’m a scandal or something to be ashamed of. Or like he held me down and forced me but that’s not what happened. I went to his office, sat on his desk, and told him I’d do whatever he wanted. I wanted to fuck him. I wanted it each time. But now…” Esther trailed off. Her throat felt tight and she worried she might cry. She swallowed hard before continuing. “That’s not the only thing that happened. We had a whole relationship. When we were caught, he said he’d stay with me no matter what and then I never heard from him again. That was last winter, just a few months ago. I was shattered. I’m still working on putting myself back together.”

“Why do you think you wanted to pursue a relationship with your professor?” Harvey asked thoughtfully. “What’s the thought process there? Do you know?”

Esther let out a surprised chuckle, “That was pretty good.” 

Harvey smiled back, “Thank you, I appreciate it. I think the question really is worth answering.”

_ He can even tell when I’m trying to dodge a question.  _ “Dr. Crawford was… I don’t know. Something about him made me crazy. I wanted him from the second I saw him. And after the first time… it was like a drug. He was so sure of himself. Older, and wiser, but also very sexy and sexual.” Esther noticed Harvey shifting uncomfortably, but continued. “There’s something very addictive about the way he treated me. Reverent. He worshipped me. I don’t think he respected me as an equal but he worshipped me. The sex was really the driving factor, I think. I hadn’t really had experiences like that before.”

Harvey shifted again, “What do you mean?” He asked. 

_ Why is he fidgeting so much?  _

“He was the first older guy I’d been with. And he took charge immediately. And he wanted to do all sorts of things I hadn’t tried before. Well I tried them and I loved them. He had me try everything. He tied me up, we went to sex clubs, he recorded it. There’s more too, but I’m too embarrassed to say. The thing is, I never felt like I was in a position to say no but I was content with the position I was in. It was like he owned me. But I didn’t have a problem with it. That’s embarrassing in its own way. Modern, educated woman does whatever her more successful boyfriend wants her to without question.” She chuckled, “He made me call him  _ sir _ when he fucked me. That’s how self important he was.”

“Do you miss him?”

Esther shook her head. “I miss the feeling. The feeling of being wanted. It’s so addictive, I don’t even know how to describe it. Just the way he’d look at me sometimes would get me so wet, because it meant he wanted me.”

Harvey cleated his throat and loosened his tie before speaking. “I’d say it’s good that you recognize the unhealthy power dynamics in the relationship, and the factors that led to you being in the relationship in the first place. It certainly doesn’t sound balanced.”

Esther nodded, “it wasn’t.”

Harvey nodded in return. “I think that’s probably a good stopping place,” he said as he stood up. Esther stood as well. “You should probably come once a week. Can you come on Tuesdays maybe? I lock up at 3, we can do this right after.”

“Not so fast, now,” she teased, “this is for both of us, remember? I should probably come twice a week. Tuesday for me and Thursday for you.”

Harvey sighed and nodded. “Well that’s the plan then.” He said as he walked her down the stairs and to the clinic door. “You have a good rest of your day. I’ll see you Tuesday.”

“You do the same,” she replied before stepping back into the cold snow. She took a deep breath and grabbed her phone, firing off a quick text to an unsaved number. 

_ Come over ASAP,  _ it read. 


	3. Ch 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey’s first therapy session ends in Esther seeing that Harvey is cripplingly lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years! I got drunk and wrote this. This chapter was very inspired by the song Talk by Hozier. Particularly the chorus. Maybe I should make a playlist for this fic? Or is that too soon? Lmk

Ch 3

Shane smelled of hay and stale beer and sweat, just as he always did. Esther supposed to someone from the Valley it might be charming; farmhand coming home after a long day of work. Like most things about Shane, Esther found it kind of repulsive.  _ Well, repulsive is pretty harsh. Maybe just off-putting _ . Esther couldn’t help but think about her life in the city when Shane was inside her. If her from a year ago saw her in the state she was in now, she’d be appalled. She was torn between feeling ashamed of herself and feeling so blissfully free. So much of her “professional” life was just spent fruitlessly trying to get people to take her seriously; wearing sculptured dresses, heels, and a full face of makeup every day. Peppering every dictionary word she could think of into her sentences. Out here in the Valley, she wore the same 4 pairs of dirty, stained overalls, chronically muddy work boots, and her grandpa’s old flannel shirts. She’d thrown out all her makeup long ago. She was free to burp and spit and cuss up a storm if she so chose. She was free to fuck a stockboy on her couch, as loud as she wanted, without worrying about the neighbors or caring that he was a stockboy and that they couldn’t support a family or wouldn’t impress her parents or whatever else her mind could come up with. 

“What’s your deal?” Shane asked from on top of her, snapping Esther out of her musing and back into the moment. 

“Oh. Nothing. Sorry.” She said quickly. “I was just distracted for a second.”

“You stopped moving. Practically went catatonic.” He was still inside her, leaning on one of his elbows and studying her face, eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah sorry.” She wrapped her legs around his waist, leaning up to give him a better angle. “Keep going,” she told him. 

Shane didn’t move. 

Esther snaked a hand down to her clit and began circling with her finger, while her other hand moved to Shane’s hair. “Come on, I called you over here because I wanted to get fucked. Are you gonna fuck me or do I have to do it myself?” 

Shane chuckled and leaned back down, resting himself on Esther and rolling his hips against hers. Esther drew in a sharp breath. “This what you wanted, farm girl?” He asked as he moved in her. 

Esther let out a breathy moan and nodded. “Yes.”

  
  
  
  


The next couple of days passed without incident. Winter was a slow time on the farm and Esther used it to take a moment to relax, as well as to go down into the mines and try to get some ores and gems. She wasn’t ever given a hard time by the monsters but she never went below the fifth floor, just to be safe. The day of Harvey’s “first appointment” she went down into the mines and collected ores until her watch beeped letting her know it was time to make her way to the clinic. A short time later, she strode, sweaty and dirty, into the door and up Harvey’s stairs. She knocked politely on his apartment door. 

“Hey,” Harvey greeted as he opened the door to his apartment. It was small, Esther noted, but she couldn’t deny the appeal of not having to maintain more space than is necessary. She smiled without teeth and sat down on the couch. She gestured for Harvey to sit opposite her. He bit back a chuckle as he obliged. “So what do you want to talk about?” He asked as he made himself comfortable. He had taken off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. He crossed his legs with his ankle at his knee.  _ Cute _ , Esther thought. 

“Well that’s more for you to decide. We’re supposed to work on what you want to work on.”

“This was  _ your  _ idea,” Harvey countered. 

“Well let’s think about it like this. What is one thing you wish you were better about? It can be anything.”

“I don’t know,” Harvey said evasively. 

Esther chuckled, “they say doctors make the worst patients. Cmon, there must be something. Even something small? I know you don’t think you’re perfect.”

Harvey thought for a moment and Esther smiled expectantly at him as he considered his choice. Finally, he took a deep breath and spoke. “I suppose I could be more confident.”

Esther nodded. “Would you consider yourself socially anxious?”

“No,” Harvey said, shaking his head as he spoke, “not really. It’s more like I get uncomfortable in situations because I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing.”

“Are you confident sexually?”

Harvey, who had been taking a drink of his coffee, spat it out and erupted into a coughing fit. Esther watched him as he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and cleared his throat to speak. “A-am I what?”

“Confident sexually. As in when speaking to prospective sexual partners.” 

“I… uh… maybe? I don’t… I wouldn’t really say… I don’t really have any… prospective ... sexual… partners…” he said, trailing off awkwardly. 

“Why is that?”

“Well I mean. I live here, for one.”

“There are plenty of women in town.”

“None my age who aren’t already married.”

“Leah’s 32.”

“Are you suggesting I fuck Leah?” Harvey asked with raised eyebrows. 

Esther raised hers in return. “Now you’re being difficult on purpose. You’re writing yourself off. Selling yourself short. Sometimes women like older guys. You could meet someone in the city. Someone new could move in. You asked me if I was insinuating you should fuck Leah as if it’s the same as insinuating you should take up golfing on the moon.”

Harvey’s mustache twitched as he wrinkled his nose. He hadn’t really expected Esther to hone in on him like that. He puffed out his cheeks, trying to find something to say, but Esther didn’t give him the chance. 

“Why wouldn’t Leah want to fuck you?”

The second question caught Harvey off guard more than the first, although he was able to play it off better. Esther stared at him, boring into him with her big dark eyes. Her patient smile was replaced with an intensely expectant expression. She silently demanded an answer. 

“Are you supposed to argue with me?”

“I’m challenging you. I think you should answer the question. And really think about it.”

Harvey huffed again, clearly annoyed. He wondered for a moment why he was even entertaining this line of questioning, but he decided not to argue.  _ She’s a qualified professional,  _ he told himself.  _ That thing with her professor doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what she’s doing.  _ Harvey sighed, this time it was deep and slow. He was steeling himself to answer the question honestly.  _ This is how you get better _ , he thought to himself. 

“I can’t think of any reason she  _ would  _ want to.” He answered, slowly and deliberately. His training as a doctor made him comfortable talking about sex in the clinical sense. Talking about it in vulgar terms wasn’t so familiar, but in her defense, he’d started it. 

“Do you feel that about all of the women in town?”

“Not just in town.”

“But you’re attracted to women? Is that exclusively?”

“Yes. Exclusively.”

“You are attracted to women but don’t see any reason a woman might be attracted to you.”

Harvey sighed again, avoiding eye contact. Esther’s gaze was unwavering. 

“There are reasons I just don’t think they outweigh the bad.”

“What’s so bad?” Esther asked gently. Her challenging demeanor had shifted into one of concern. Her eyebrows knitted together as she leaned towards Harvey. 

“I’m much older than the single women in town, I mean, I’m nearly 40! I have a double chin and I’ve gone soft in the middle, I’m too tall and my hair won’t cooperate. I’m a nervous wreck whenever I talk to someone. I’m the  _ doctor _ . And I’m the least interesting person on earth.” 

Esther watched Harvey as he spoke; his words were rapid and tinged with self loathing. He spat the word  _ doctor  _ like it had poisoned him. “Are you aware that for every negative you just listed, there’s an upside?” 

Harvey shrugged, “I’m not seeing them.” He replied quietly. 

It was Esther’s turn to gather her thoughts. Finally, she spoke. “I went to school for psychology, but I’m not licensed anymore. Because of that, this isn’t therapy, it’s a conversation. I think what you need is less of a clinical approach and something more personal. You need a friend, Harvey.”

Harvey considered her words for a minute before nodding. “I don’t really talk to anyone much. Maru and I get along but I’m her boss”

“How about this: I’ll still come by twice a week but it won’t be formal. It’ll just be two friends, talking. Open and honest.”

“That sounds nice.”

Esther smiled softly. “As your friend, I want you to know that you don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re 37, not 40. You’re not too tall, and your hair is curly. Those are both normal things. No one is ruling you out as a romantic partner over them. You’re a  _ doctor,  _ so everyone knows how  _ smart and dedicated  _ you are. We’ll work on the confidence together, I could use some too. You have the most interesting hobbies out of any of the men in town.” Esther stood and began putting on her jacket. After she opened the door, she turned on her heel, as if she realized she’d forgotten something, and added “As for the belly and your chin… well… I think they’re cute as is. Have a good night.”

She left down the stairs. From his apartment, Harvey could hear the clinic door chime as she let herself out. He stayed in his chair, frozen in the same spot. He felt unable to move. What did  _ cute  _ mean? Since when did anyone think Harvey was  _ cute _ ? “Don’t overthink everything,” he mumbled to himself as he stood up and walked into his bathroom. He turned the tap on in the shower and undressed as he allowed the water to warm. After he removed his clothes, he inspected himself in the mirror. He did have a belly, it poked out slightly from his hips. His thighs and calves were still relatively well muscled from biking all over town. His arms and forearms firm from maintaining stock in the clinic. “Some sit-ups wouldn’t hurt, Eppling,” he scolded himself. He inspected his mustache to see if he needed a shave or a trim, decided he didn’t, and finally got into the shower. 

He felt his mind wander as he shampooed his unruly curly hair. He thought back to his conversation with Esther, and how she called his belly  _ cute.  _ He wasn’t sure if it was a compliment or condescending, so he tried not to dwell on it. He also tried not to dwell on the richness of Esther’s voice when she said  _ fuck _ . He tried not to imagine her saying it over and over again as he pounded into her. He tried not to wonder what hid beneath the faded plaid shirts and denim overalls. At that moment he realized that he’d begun slowly stroking himself as he thought of Esther. In some capacity, he was ashamed, feeling that Esther certainly wouldn’t reciprocate; in another, he was aching for release and what people don’t know can’t hurt them. Harvey leaned against the cool shower wall and stroked himself quicker, more deliberately. Harvey imagined Esther in the farmhouse shower, leg up on the edge of the tub as she touched herself to the thought of him. The thought alone was enough to send a shiver down his spine. He pictured Esther’s creamy white thighs and he longed to be in the shower with her, on his knees in front of her with his face buried in her pussy. He longed to feel Esther grab his hair and grind against his face as he pleasured her. Harvey’s pace, which had been steady, rapidly increased as he neared his orgasm. His movement became erratic as he bucked his hips jerkily to meet his hand. He finished with a groan, shooting cum onto the shower wall. He stood slumped against the tile for a moment before straightening out and turning off the water. One thought lingered in his mind as he got out and toweled off.  _ What did she mean by cute? _


	4. Ch 4

“I know what your problem is, Harvard,” Esther said. She was sitting on his couch upside down, her head hanging over the edge and her feet pressed against the wall. Her long dark hair pooled on the floor. Harvey has told her to make herself comfortable coming in, and she’s wasted no time. They had been having their “appointments” twice weekly for the better part of a month, and had grown quite at ease with one another, and even developed a bit of a banter. Esther had stopped putting on the professional front following Harvey’s first “session”. “ _ Makes me feel inauthentic and distant,”  _ she’d told him. As a result, she was much more relaxed, which put Harvey at ease in return. 

“What is my problem, Esther?” Esther had tried to coax him into sitting in the same position as her on the spot beside her on the couch, but he had declined. He opted instead to stretch out across the armchair, head on one arm and legs dangling over the other. 

“You,” she pointed for emphasis, “are angry.”

Harvey shrugged, staring up at the ceiling, “I don’t feel too angry, friend.” 

“May I spout psychology at you?”

“I would love to hear it.”

“Well, you see, anger is a secondary emotion. We feel anger because we feel hurt, or anxious, or hungry, or any number of things. Popular theory dictates that if we can find the root of the anger, and address that emotion, the anger dissipates.” 

“I’m not quite sure that tracks.”

“Yes it does, hush up and listen. I’ll even use a personal example, I get mad when people ask me why I’ve moved out here. My anger is secondary to the sadness I feel at the death of my promising career, my strained relationship with my parents, and having to face the unhealthy power dynamics in a shallow relationship based entirely on sex.” 

Harvey was always astounded at Esther’s ability to just lay her feelings out that way. To look someone in the face (or rather, side of the thigh in their current position) and say, point blank, what their thoughts and emotions are. 

“Do we have to talk about my anger? Why can’t we talk about your shallow relationship or how you hate your parents?” Harvey twiddled his thumbs on his chest. He was thankful for Esther’s odd preference in seating choices, he was certain that if he saw Esther’s intense gaze right now, he’d burst into flames. He didn’t enjoy being read the way she read him, despite finding her ability to read people so amazing. 

“I’m still nursing my wounds. Can you just try to hear me out please?”

Harvey sighed and nodded his head against the arm of his chair. “Go on ahead, I’m all ears.”

“You’re from here, right?” 

He nodded. 

“And so, you grew up here. Went away to college, stayed for medical school, finished out your residency, and came back here. To Pelican Town. Why is that?”

Harvey was quiet for a while, and Esther looked expectantly in his direction. After a while, he sighed and spoke. “They weren’t able to find anyone to fill the vacancy left by the doctor before me, Dr. Hiller.”

“Why is that your problem? Why do you need to come back?”

“I… well… hm… there were little ones in town for the first time in a long time. The idea of their mothers having to take them to a stranger an hour away if they were sick or there was an emergency didn’t sit right with me. The Mullners, too. They’re in need of aging care. I can’t claim to love working twelves in an ER. I prefer a quieter existence.” 

“So, to recap, you came back because you love it here.”

“What’s not to love?”

Esther sat upright and looked at Harvey intensely. Her hair and clothes were disheveled after adjusting out of her odd upside-down position. “Do you feel loved in return?”

Harvey was silent for a long while. As he thought, Esther reclined back on the couch. She propped her feet up on the arm of the sofa and waited for his answer. After a considerable amount of time, he still had not spoken, and she rolled onto her side to face him. “Anger is secondary,” she repeated quietly. “You’re angry because you don’t feel appreciated. Which is fair, I don’t feel you’re appreciated as much as you should be, either.”

“How do I stop being angry?”

“You put yourself out there, so you can feel loved. You love it here, you love these people. It’s normal to want to be loved back.”

“Can we talk about how you hate your parents?”

Esther laughed and rolled over onto her back once again. “Ask away, big guy.”

_________________________________

In the interest of not spending her entire winter in bed or watching tv, Esther took to mining to keep herself busy. Every morning she’d pull on her thermals, then her clothes, then her heavy boots and jacket. She’d feed Grover and give him plenty of pats, feed all the animals, give the cows all kisses and tell them that she loves them and they’re good cows, and finally sling her backpack on, and head up the mountain. 

She always picked up any flowers or berries she found on her way and tucked them into her bag. After a brisk walk, she’d find herself on the rickety old mine elevator heading down. She tried to clear at least five new floors a day, and was pretty pleased with herself. She’d made it fifty floors down and was starting to collect a good amount of iron; the extra cash from gemstones didn’t hurt either. Finally, the elevator dinged and Esther stepped off. She shivered in the chill of the mine as she stepped forward. Ice crunched beneath her boots. She found the hard labor and tangible reward of cracking open the stones very cathartic, and took great solace in bringing her pickaxe down with all the force she could muster. After surveying her current floor and deciding she was satisfied, she climbed down to the floor below. 

She was not prepared for what she encountered. The floor was large and open, full of visible gems and ore deposits, but as Esther stepped forward, little black creatures began to jump up onto her and climb her legs. A translucent green being flew into her before she could take her sword out, and she could hear bats squeaking in the distance. Esther tried to swing her sword and get them off of her, but there were just too many. She felt her limbs becoming heavy and she forced herself to swing again but it was no use. She fell flat on her face. 

_____________________________________

Esther woke up to the feeling of coarse fabric scratching against her bare legs and the sensation of being in a brightly lit room. She groaned and put her forearm over her eyes as she stretched her legs. 

“Esther…? Esther?” She heard a voice say. She tried to crack her eyes open to look but the light hurt her eyes and she squeezed them shut even tighter. 

“Harvard?” She asked from beneath her arm.

“Yes, Esther, it’s Harvey. You fell down in the mines. Someone found you unconscious and battered, I had to perform emergency surgery on you.”

“Oh tha’s not good,” Esther mumbled, her voice still thick with sleep. 

“There’s something else, Esther…” Harvey began hesitantly. 

“Can it wait? ‘Mreally tired.” Esther yawned and blindly reached out, grabbing Harvey’s arm. “Come lay down with me, isssocold.” 

Harvey places his hand on top of Esther’s and ignored the fire alarms that were going off in his mind at her asking him to lay beside him and keep her warm. “Esther, can you wake up? This is important,” he said gently. 

Esther nodded and sat up, although her eyes remained closed. She stretched her arms above her head and noticed what felt like paper graze against her breasts. She immediately recoiled from the unpleasant sensation and grabbed at her chest only to feel a hospital gown instead of her worn flannel shirt. She opened her eyes and looked at Harvey, “where are my clothes?” 

“They’re in a bag with your other personal items over on that chair,” Harvey answered as he pointed to her backpack and a clear plastic bag with her clothes folded neatly inside. 

Esther nodded and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “So what’s the big deal?”

“You fell in the mines and banged yourself up pretty good. You needed stitches and you have a nasty gash on your cheek but it should heal up fine if you put scar cream on it.”

“Ok, that’s not so bad.” Esther said, swinging her legs over to hang off the bed, about to stand. 

Harvey put his hand on her shoulder. “Esther there’s another thing… your tooth fell out in the mine and we can’t go—“

Esther barked out a surprised laugh. “That’s not a funny joke Harvey,” she said shortly. 

“I’m not joking, Esther. It’s your left lateral incisor. There’s no attempting to reattach it because there’s no telling where it is.”

Esther laughed again but Harvey could see uncertainty and the beginnings of panic on her face. “My tooth is gone?” She ran her tongue over all her teeth before stopping at a gap that definitely hadn’t been there this morning. Her gums in that spot felt raw and tender. “Where’s my fucking tooth Harvey?”

Harvey looked as though he wished a hole would open up in the floor where he was standing and he’d fall right in. Esther had told him she’d had a bit of a temper problem in the past and he hadn’t really believed her, but he was starting to see the signs. He understood  _ why _ she was upset, he just wished she wasn’t upset with  _ him.  _ “Esther, you fell directly onto your face. Your tooth broke and over 75% cracked off in the mine. I couldn’t just leave you with a dead tooth in your mouth, the rest had to be extracted. To prevent sepsis.”

Esther looked at him with the most intense and angry stare he’d ever seen.  _ I thought she was intimidating when she’s happy,  _ he thought weakly. “ _ YOU _ TOOK MY TOOTH?” She shouted. The look on Esther’s face was unlike Harvey had ever seen. Her face was neutral and simultaneously full of rage. 

“Esther, please, you have to understand that we did everything we could but it was beyond saving.”

“Who is ‘we’?” Esther asked Harvey quietly. She tried to stand up off the bed but a catheter in her arm tethered her to an IV pole on the other side of the bed. She looked at Harvey expectantly, her face full of anger.

“Well, me, and uh…” Esther raised her eyebrows in a silent dare for him to continue and finish his sentence. “Me and Maru,” he said quietly. 

“Oh you and the 15 year old running the counter.” Esther spat angrily.

“Esther I understand that you’re upset but please take a minute and calm down,” Harvey said gently. 

“MY FUCKING TOOTH IS GONE HARVEY.” Esther shouted. “MY TOOTH IS SUPPOSED TO BE IN MY HEAD BUT IT ISN'T, IT’S GONE. SO DON’T FUCKING TELL ME TO CALM DOWN.”

Harvey looked like he was about to say something when the door to the room Esther's bed was in opened. Maru stepped into the room and addressed Esther with a hard edge in her voice. “You need to calm down and thank Dr. Eppling for helping you. Yelling at him like this isn’t going to bring back your tooth and you’re—“

“YOU GET HER OUT OF HERE  _ NOW _ ,” Esther roared at Harvey. 

Harvey quickly stood up and escorted Maru out of the room and into the lobby. He hoped that giving her a moment to herself would help her to calm down. When he and Maru got to the door of the clinic, he frowned at her. “You shouldn’t speak to patients in such a tone, Maru,” he said sternly. 

Maru balked at him before jumping to defend herself. “She was yelling at you! I was just trying to calm her down!”

“Well it didn’t work, did it?” Harvey snapped. He sighed and rubbed his temples. “I appreciate the sentiment but the first part of patient care is  _ empathy _ . Esther woke up confused, in a hospital bed, with stitches, IVs, no tooth, and no clothes on. She isn’t being unreasonable for being angry.”

Maru wrinkled her nose in distaste as Harvey continued. “Anger is a secondary emotion. She’s lashing out because of the pain, both physical and emotional, and the fear. You need to keep a trauma informed mindset.”

“I’ll try to be better. I’m sorry,” Maru said. She put her hand on Harvey’s arm and smiled up at him softly. “I just couldn’t stand to hear her yell at you.”

“I’m a grown man, Maru. I can handle my own problems. Please just head home so I can try to help Esther to calm down.”

Harvey turned and walked back down the hallway, leaving Maru standing at the door. She watched him for a moment before opening the door and stepping out into the frigid winter air. 

Harvey knocked delicately on the door to Esther's room. He heard quiet sobs and sniffling before hearing Esther's voice quietly call out, “come in”. He entered and closed the door gently behind him. Esther was curled into a ball on the tiny hospital bed; her eyes were puffy and red and her cheeks were stained with tears. Harvey sat on his stool and wheeled it over to her side. “I’m sorry,” Esther mumbled, her eyes not meeting his. “I shouldn’t have yelled it’s just…. my tooth…” Esther started crying again, louder this time. Harvey laid a hand supportively on her knee and she began sobbing loudly. “I’m sorry,” she repeated between sobs. “I’m just…”  _ sob _ “It’s that…”  _ sob _ “How am I supposed to—“  _ sob _ “Feel confident when I have this—“  _ sob _ “Big ugly gap from my—“  _ sob _ “MISSING TOOOOOOOTH?” 

“Can I tell you something Esther?” 

She nodded, although she did not stop crying. 

“I think it looks quite fetching.” He told her, patting her knee affirmatively. 

Esther stopped crying and looked at him. Her big dark eyes were bloodshot from crying. “Really?” She asked weakly. 

“Of course!” Harvey said back enthusiastically. “It makes you look very mysterious and tough. Like maybe you lost it fighting crime. And it works well with your big ole cow eyes.”

Esther laughed faintly. “You’re just being nice.”

Harvey shook his head vehemently. “I find it very endearing,” he insisted. 

Esther smiled a small, self-conscious smile and put her hand over Harvey’s. “Thank you,” she said quietly as she patted his hand. 

“Please, don’t mention it. Now,” Harvey stood up from his stool walked over to the sink, and began washing his hands. “I have one last piece of bad news. You’re going to have to stay here all night so I can monitor for a concussion.”


End file.
